PRAISE THE LORD I finished my BA. I haven't had any professor-mandated homework since January and I, however naively, thought this meant my stress level would subside. I didn't feel any peace in boasting this opinion but deep down I crossed my fingers. My wishful thinking included reading more books, returning to reflective writing, keeping up with community causes, deepening relationships that suffered while I studied, getting on a healthy sleep schedule, and dusting more often. (I even announced that my 2012 new years resolution was to “cook more”…grossly ambitions considering I don’t even own pots and pans.)
Unfortunately, I have not been paying enough attention to the attitudes that cultivate those behaviors. I know this because I have been waking up many mornings with an urge to argue. Sometimes I feel like a justice-seeking lawyer-lady with pockets full of intelligent attitude but no case. Occasionally I get out of bed like a cantankerous crab; everything I see and hear comes through a crap-colored-mask, as if I have anything to complain about. Periodically I entertain Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as I torpedo productivity by shooting everything down with wildly pessimistic assumptions. Though there is an air of self-righteousness and adventure in these attitudes, they are astoundingly selfish because they pit me against the people around me: my community.
Sadly, I have been that toxic sack of lava more than I’d like to admit. I even self-righteously tried to evade conviction by admitting, “most of my quarrelsome attitude was carried out in thought but not in action.” [insert cheesy smile here] As if that was any better..! “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Since attitudes create behaviors and I was observing a trash heap building in my brain, I was passively allowing a quarrel to be birthed. I was aware that pressure was mounting and one day I would kick off the argument to end all arguments, but I was not acknowledging the reality that“not directly tearing down community” does not build community. Now that I am being a little more direct and honest with myself I can admit that I almost owe my community a post-emptive apology for an argument that didn’t happen but could have.
Titus 3:9-11instructs people to “Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling…that gets you nowhere. Warn a quarrelsome person once or twice, but then be done with him. It’s obvious that such a person is out of line…by persisting in divisiveness he cuts himself off.” Another translation of Titus 3:11 says, “you may be sure that such people [divisive quarrelsome people] are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.” I don’t have a degree in theology but I can connect the dots. It is nearly impossible to show love for another person with a quarrel some attitude. The very nature of argumentative, dogmatic, arbitrary, mindless, pointless quarrels is unhelpful. And without a community, you are isolated and alone.
I love a statement Pastor Mark Driskill made recently. He said,“A critic of a church & a servant in a church both see the same problem but respond differently.” If there truly is a problem or a challenge, then I should seek to solve the problem not argue with the person. Whether I am in a building owned by a religious organization,sitting at my desk in my office, inhaling coffee with a friend, or visiting with family I should be seeking to increase and deepen community. Community is the only place for love and connection to increase; you cannot grow simply by reading or hearing a good word. Even in the Greek, experiential knowledge trumps cognitive knowledge all day everyday, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t agree. Another of my favorite Driskill quotes is, “GOD died, I don’t need to kill you, you’re welcome.”
…I really should let that loving truth building up inside me.
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