If you ever need to define crazy

I know what crazy looks like. To feel crazy is to feel uncontrollably schitzophrenic.
In my quiet times, church gatherings, and friendly reflections I hear, understand and agree in the superior value of GOD and HIS creations. I am able to center myself around what I feel from GOD, the direction HE seems to be moving in and the wise whispers from HIM.
BUT...one stinking financial pot hole...and I lose my strips..! I swear I just got in this conversation with my brother. He recently returned from camp UBER-EXCITED because GOD spoke to him. My heart jumped inside me to think that my little brother might have had his big hand-shake with GOD almighty. Late one night I told him that I was REALLY excited for him, but it was going to be hard. The hardest thing, I told him, is to decide to live with the passion, excitement, and truth he experienced at camp at home. It is not hard to see HIM when there are no distractions, but it is forever hard to seek HIM amungst the distractions.
YEAH...I AM EATING MY OWN WORDS NOW..!
For those of you who don't know, I am in the process of moving and becoming TOTALLY independent. It is a little scary for me; ironically, it was easier to do this in Uganda. :) I am taking out a second school loan to help out; it really is a back up because I work...but I don't know what I would do if I had a "bad month." Anywho, this has been stressful for me, and it is ANNOYING AS ALL GET-UP to watch my understanding of peace, patience, kindness, and goodness FLY OUT THE WINDOW at a meer mention of a loan.
On one hand I have an "out of body" expression trying to figure out why I can't just stay focused and centered on what I know is pure value. On the other hand I can't seem to grasp why this is so hard. My mind drifts back to the kids I met a few weeks ago...the ones in the system. They are removed from their families, placed in homes that are paid to entertain them, and then emancipated at 18 years old with no training, encouragement, or support. If I think this is hard with a family that loves me, friends that support and encourage me, and tools at my finger tips than what must they be feeling on their 18th birthday.
To wrap things up: I am stressed out, but I don't want to be.